THE GREAT GATSBY

Reviewed by Patrick Gibbs

GRADE: A+

Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire, Carey Mulligan, Joel Edgerton, Isla Fisher

Screenplay by Baz Luhrman and Craig Pearce

Directed by Baz Luhrman 

The works of F. Scott Fitzgerald hardly seem like prime fare for 3D summer blockbusters - it almost seems like something you'd see on The Simpsons.  It is, to say the least, unusual. But so is Baz Luhrman.

The man responsible for a hyper active Romeo+Juliet set in "Verona Beach" and dancing waiters singing "Like A Virgin" in Moulin Rouge! may not be everyone's cup of tea, but love him or hate him, you have to acknowledge his  unique vision. When the song "My Way" was written, it might as well have been dedicated to Baz.

Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire), a Yale graduate and WW I  veteran, is a depressed and disillusioned alcoholic staying in a sanatorium for treatment. When he struggles to articulate his thoughts, his doctor suggests writing it down, since writing is what brings him solace.

We flashback to the summer of 1922, where Nick moves to New York, where he takes a job as a bond salesman. He rents a small house on Long Island in the (fictional) village of West Egg, next door to the lavish mansion of Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio), a mysterious business magnate who holds extravagant parties. Nick drives across the bay to East Egg for dinner at the home of his cousin, Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan), and her husband, Tom (Joel Edgerton), a college acquaintance of Nick's, who is more than a bit of a cad and makes no secret to Nick that he has a mistress (played wonderfully by Isla Fisher.).. 

As the summer progresses, Nick receives an invitation to one of Gatsby’s parties. Upon arriving, he learns that none of the guests at the party, though there are hundreds, have ever met Gatsby himself, and they have developed multiple theories as to who he is. Nick meets Gatsby, who is surprisingly young and rather aloof, in person. Gatsby seems to take a liking to Nick and the two become mutual friends.  Nick later learns that Gatsby knew Daisy from a romantic encounter in 1917, and is still madly in love with her. He spends many nights staring at the green light at the end of her dock, across the bay from his mansion, hoping to one day rekindle their lost romance. Gatsby’s extravagant lifestyle and wild parties are an attempt to impress Daisy in the hopes that she will one day appear at Gatsby's doorstep. Gatsby now wants Nick to arrange a reunion between himself and Daisy. Nick invites Daisy to have tea at his house, without telling her that Gatsby will be there also.

If you've read the book, you know where things fo from here, and if you haven't, I'm not going to spoil anything.  Suffice it to say, with both Fitzgerald and Luhrman, it's at least a much about the lourney as the destination. Luhrman's sumptuous visual style mixes perfectly with Fitzgerald's lyrical writing style, and it's a match made in heaven. The use of modern music, ranging from hip hop to a remix of U2's "Love Is Blindness" is used to great effect; Luhrman wishes to capture the decadence of the Jazz age and by mixing modern elements makes it feel edgy and exciting in the way it was then, rather than the cleaned up, seemingly stodgy portrayal that comes in most modern portrayals. This also applies to the 3D, which is used to great and often genuinely beautiful effect, and we experience the excitement of the era in a way that I would argue captures the feeling much better than a more literalist take ever could hope to portray.

The performances are strong all around, with Mulligan shining brightly as Daisy and making it easy to see what it is that captivates Gatsby. But the triumph here is DiCaprio, and his portrayal of the classic character is nothing short of definitive, and should be remebered at Oscar time (a much better use of the great young actor than we've seen in recent years.).

The other advantage of the 3D is that it forces Luhrman to hold back just a little on the more frenetic elements of his visual style, and this may be his most successful over all film. This is not a movie for everyone, but I found it to be genuine work of art and believe it will stand as one of the summer's very best.

The Great Gatsby is Rated PG-13 for violence, language, and sensuality.

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS

Reviewed by Patrick Gibbs

GRADE: A

Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Bendict Cumberbatch, Zoe Saldanna, Karl, Urban, Bruce Greenwood, Peter Weller and Alice Eve
Screenplay by Roberto Orci & alex Kurtzman & Damon Lindelof
Directed by J.J. Abrams

For once, the geek out movie of the summer is is not about a superhero.

 As many of us saw in the ten minute teaser before The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, the latest chapter of the quintessential science fiction franchise begins as t he USS Enterprise has been sent to a planet in the Nibiru system to observe a primitive civilization, and Spock in trapped inside a volcano which is about to erupt. Captain Kirk violates the Prime directive in order to rescue Spock, and is therefore demoted and ordered back to the academy. However, Admiral Christopher Pike (Bruce Greenwood), reinstated as commander of Enterprise in Kirk's place, talks his superiors into offering Kirk the position of first officer of the Enterprise.

The two attend an emergency meeting at Starfleet Command to discuss the bombing of a secret installation in London, part the top covert agency  Section 31 (familiar to fans of Deep Space Nine.). The bombing appears to have been perpetrated by former a Starfleet agent named John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch, the star of the BBC's Sherlock.). After a second attack, the crew of the Enterprise are sent to hunt down Harrison, who is hiding on the Klingon homeworld of Kronos.

Star Trek Into Darkness moves at a break neck pace while managing to preserve not only character and story, but more than a little bit of political subtext. The Federation in the years following the destruction of the planet Vulcan is clearly post 9/11 America, and this film could have been called Star Trek Into Zero Dark Thirty, the parallels are so clear. Fortunately they are also motivated, insightful and poignant; this isn't a cheap, lazy trick like the WMD's in Prince of Persia. In fact, truth be told, in many ways this movie goes more in depth into serious and thoughful questions about right and wrong in dealing with the unthinkable than Kathryn Bigelow's Academy Award nominee, though in fairness, being not only fiction, but science fiction, it has a lot more leeway to do so.

Once again, director J.J. Abrams and his writing team have made a blockbuster action film that will please non fans of the iconic series while throwing several huge bones to die hard Trekkers. References to past films and TV episodes abound, and while the film is still pretty  fun if you don't know Star Trek, it's an absolute blast if you do. And other science fiction references can be spotted, in particular a blatant but respectful homage to Ridley Scott's classic, Blade Runner.  The cast members seem to have settled into their roles, and the interplay between Chris Pine's Kirk and Zachary Quinto's Spock is superb. Cumberbatch proves to be an extremely powerful presence, even if his ethnicity and physical build don't fit the role he's playing, and at times he really owns the film. There's no doubt he's going to get a career boost from this one. Alice Eve is charming as a character that will be familiar to fans, and Peter Weller, the original Robocop, makes a great Dick Cheney.

Star Trek Into Darkness will easily compete for the title of most entertaining film of the summer, and it's hard not to walk out of it giggling at the prospect of Abrams next directing gig helming Star Wars: Episode VII.

The film is rated PG-13 for violence, profanity and some sexuality.

IRON MAN 3

Reviewed by Patrick Gibbs

GRADE: B +
Robert Downey, Jr., Gwynneth Paltrow. Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Rebecca Hall and Ben Kingsley 
Screenplay by Drew pearce & Shane Black 
Directed by Shane Black

Let's be honest: at this point, MARVEL STUDIOS doesn't make movies. They make the most expensive, spectacular TV series of all time, and they release a new episode on the big screen every six to twelve months. They are in serious danger of over saturating  the market in much the same way that the Star Trek franchise did toward the end of the 90's, when it was impossible to look forward to more Star Trek because there was always a version around in one form or another.

As such, I wasn't hugely excited about Iron Man 3.  As great as Robert Downey, Jr. is in the role of Tony Stark, the character wasn't particularly engaging in Iron Man 2, which was really just a two set/commercial for The Avengers, which came just last summer. There simply hasn't been any time to miss him. And with a sequel to the megafranchise of all time coming in the near future, there's the inescapable feeling that nothing too major can happen in any of the individual Avenger character films, because they are saving the big stuff for when they get together.

However, whether it's MARVEL, or merely writer/director Shane Black (the man who created the Lethal Weapon franchise), someone hit upon the idea that if this is going to be a glorified, big screen TV series, let's have some fun with that. In the same way that individual episodes of The X Files or Doctor Who can vary wildly in tone - one week you have horror and the next you have light comedy - Black has created a departure from the norm while still maintaining largely true to the material, and the result is a wild, if frenetic, ride.

As the film opens, Tony  recalls a New Years Eve party in 1999, which plays like a Thanksgiving episode of Friends.  Tony is busy flirting with scientist Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall), inventor of Extremis—an experimental regenerative treatment intended to allow recovery from crippling injuries - and as such has little time for fellow scientist Aldrich Killian, who offers them a place in his company Advanced Idea Mechanics. When Stark promises Killian that he will meet him on the rooftop, Killian waits on the roof but, alas, his hero never shows up, and he is faced with the sad fact that he is essentially the same character Jim Carrey played as Edward Nigma in Batman Forever, right down to the glasses and bad wig.

Years later, Stark's experiences during the alien invasion of New York are giving him panic attacks. Restless, he has built several dozen Iron Man suits, creating friction with his girlfriend Pepper (Gwynneth Paltrow.). Meanwhile, a string of bombings by terrorist The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley)  has left intelligence agencies bewildered by lack of forensic evidence. When Stark Industries security chief Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau, who directed the first two Iron Man films and shows tremendous class by showing up to play a supporting role here) is badly injured in one such attack, Stark overcomes his stupor and issues a televised threat to the Mandarin, who responds by destroying Stark's home with helicopter gunships, and as far as anyone knows, Tony Stark is killed.

It's here that the film really takes off and becomes something utterly unique, as Tony's suit is severely damaged and he is forced to rely on his own ingenuity, and the help of a young boy (Ty Simpkins). The interplay between Downey and Simpkins is hilarious and is worth the price of admission alone. From here, the movie is equal parts science fiction and zany comedy, going so much wilder and sillier than the previous film that I found myself thinking of Gremlins 2 at more than one point.  There are also heavy doses of the 80's buddy cop style action formula to remind us that this is, after all, Shane Black. With this much fun going on, the movie can be afford to be a bit short on coherent plotting. If Samuel Goldwyn were alive today, he's say this film had a lousy plot but a great story, and he'd be right. The story of Tony Stark and his efforts to focus his world and face his demons, and to figure out where to go next, is truly terrific, and makes up for the rather sloppy plot of Aldrich Killian's revenge scheme.

In the end, Iron Man 3 is just another super hero movie, albeit with some delightful twists on the genre. But much like Tony Stark, the film, and perhaps the entire Marvel superstructure, finds a way to make that more than enough, and frankly, more power to them. Well, not really. They don't need any more power. Please don't give them any more power.

Iron Man 3 is rated PG-13 for a surprising amount of violence, mild profanity and sensuality.

EASTER AT THE MOVIES

By Patrick Gibbs

Generally, Easter is not as movie heavy a Holiday as, say, Christmas, or even the 4^th of July. We have some great holiday specials, like It's The Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown and Tale of The Bunny Picnic, but in terms of theatrical classics, we come up a little lean. There's the traditional broadcast of The Ten Commandments, which makes slightly more sense than watching Schindler's List,but still, it's not quite a perfect fit.

Here are a few suggestions for movies to get you in the spirit of the day.

1. BEN HUR

If you are intent on watching Charlton Heston on Easter Sunday, might I suggest this as a more appropriate choice. I'm not a huge Heston fan, but he gives an uncharacteristically low key performance here in a genuinely great film, easily one of his best (up there with Touch of Evil, Planet of the Apes and Bowling For Columbine.). Heston play the role of Judah Ben-Hur, a slave humble slave who meets the Son of God, and along the way inspires not only large sections of GLADIATOR, but also the Pod Race in STAR WARS: EPISODE I- THE PHANTOM MENACE.

 2.RISE OF THE GUARDIANS.

Released only last year, this was an underrated animated gem that was aimed targeted for a Christmas release but actually takes place at Easter, and features Hugh Jackman as the voice of t he Easter Bunny, who is for some reason a butt kicking Aussie who throws boomerangs when he is not coloring eggs. Featuring a stellar voice cast, a triumphant score from composer Alexandre Desplat, dazzling visuals and a hefty dose of Guillermo Del Toro, this is a gem that should join THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS as a yearly, multi-holiday tradition.

 3. THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST

To say that there is a lot of baggage attached to this movie who be a gigantic understatement. I truly do not think the films portrays any Anti-Semitic themes and have been a staunch defender of the idea of this point, though every time Mel Gibson is arrested and goes on a rant about the Jews taking over the world it does kind of undercut my argument. But that doesn't change the fact that this is a great film.  It's also a brutal, unflinching look at the suffering that Christ endured, and people have argued in circles over the value of seeing that portrayed so vividly. Personally, while it's for everyone, I believe that if you are a believer it's a powerful reminder, and an unforgettable experience.

5. RUNAWAY JURY

John Cusack stars as Nicholas Easter, a man who deliberately gets himself assigned to a juror in a high profile class action lawsuit against gun companies, in this adaptation of the John Grisham best seller which was originally about Tobacco companies. (Ok, fine . . . MAYBE this one is a bit of a stretch, but I liked it.).

 

6. EASTER PARADE

Judy Garland and Fred Astaire join together to celebrate one of Irving Berlin's most utterly forgettable songs. Warning: Do Not Watch This Movie While Operating Heavy Machinery.

 

7. NIGHT OF THE LEPUS

Giant mutant rabbits terrorize the southwest. Seriously.

 

8. STAR TREK III: THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK

Leaonard Nimoy stepped in the captain's/director's chair for this exciting, in convoluted, space adventure.  

The crew of U.S.S. Enterprise illegally travels to the GENESIS system, where "life comes from lifelessness," and after much battling with Klingon bastards and trying to figure out why Saavik doesn't look like Kirstie Alley, Spock is finally resurrected.

 

9. RABBITS

David Lynch directs this story of a group of humanoid rabbits and their depressive, daily life. The plot includes Jane ironing, Suzie sitting on a couch, Jack walking in and out of the apartment, and the occasional solo singing number by Suzie or Jane. At one point the rabbits also make contact with their "leader." One of the rabbits is played by Naomi Watts. I DID NOT MAKE UP THIS MOVIE.

10. (tie) HARVEY and DONNIE DARKO

James Stewart and Jake Gyllenhall pal around with giant rabbits only they can see.

THE CROODS

Reviewed by Patrick Gibbs

GRADE: A -  
Nicolas Cage, Emma Stone, Ryan Reynolds, Cloris Leachman, Catherine Keener and Clark Duke
Story by John Cleese, Kirk DeMicco and Chris Sanders
Screenplay by Kirk DeMicco and Chris Sanders
Directed by  Kirk DeMicco and Chris Sanders

Eep (voice by Emma Stone) is a girl in a family of cavemen living in pre-historic times. Eep's father, Grug (Nicolas Cage) is a devoted, well meaning family man who keeps his his Crood brood alive by shutting them away in a cave and living in fear.  When in their cave home, Grug tells a story to the rest of the family, which includes his wife Ugga (Catherine Keener), daughter Sandy, son Thunk , and his mother-in-law (Cloris Leachman), with a character that mirrors Eep's curious nature. He uses this story to warn the family that exploration and 'new things' pose a threat to their survival. This irritates the bored and adventurous Eep, and when the family falls asleep after dark, she ignores her father's advice, and leaves the cave.

While venturing off, she meets Guy (Ryan Reynolds, minus the annoying smirk), an intelligent caveboy. She becomes fascinated with the fire he manages to create, and is eager to learn more. He tells her about his theory that the world is reaching its 'end', before giving her a noise-making horn to call him if she feels the need for help. He then abandons Eep, who is then caught by Grug, who had been frantically searching for her. Much later, he brings her back home, only to find that their cave home has collapsed from an earthquake. All the family then climb over the wreckage to discover an other-worldly land, much different from their usual surroundings of rocky terrain.Together they must set out to find a new home.

To say my expectations for this one were low is an understatement: while I tend to go pretty easy on animated films, the "modern stone age family" concept here hardly seemed like a new one, and the pairing of Cage and Reynolds, two actors who have an uncanny knack for signing on to terrible films, was foreboding.). But movie surprised me with action packed adventure scenes, eye popping visuals, genuine laughs, strong voice performances, a glorious score by Aalan Silvestri, and a lot of heart.

Cage, once one of Hollywood's finest, is in top form here, and thanks to his animated facade he looks more human than he has in years. He gives an energetic yet nuanced performance that would be hard for many actors to match. But Emma Stone, who just keeps getting more delightful with each film (the total waste of Gangster Squad notwithstanding) is pitch perfect in the role of Eep. In fact, i had no idea it was her until the film was over. She and Cage have so much chemistry is hard for me to believe they weren't in the studio recording their voices together. The whole cast fares well, and as a committed Ryan Reynolds detractor I have to admit that when I was just listening to strong comic delivery and didn't have to look at his face, I actually enjoyed his performance.

The Croods may not be up there with PIXAR's very best, but frankly it stands up well to their recent fare, and it's a further sign that DreamWorks Animation is on a roll.

I'm going to admit that my view of this movie may be influenced by watching it with my own little six year old  Eep, who howled with laughter, clutched her seat in suspense, and was moved by the emotion, but at the same time, I make no excuses or apologies; this is flat out a good film and I can't wait to see it again.

The Croods is rated PG for violence and peril, but is thankfully fairly low on the kind of humor one might fear from the title.

OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN

Reviewed by Paul Gibbs
GRADE: D

Starring Gerard Butler, Arron Eckhart, Morgan Freeman, Angela Basset, Dylan McDermott. Melissa Leo, Rick Yune 
Directed by Antwone Fuqua

Do you miss that period during the 90's when there was always a thinly disguised Die Hard rip-off in theaters? Neither do I. But for some reason, Hollywood has decided to make two Die Hard In The White House movies for release in 2013. We can only hope that the better of the two is the one directed by Roland Emmerich and starring Channing Tatum. Because yes, the one directed by Antoine Fuqua and starring Gerard Butler really is that bad. In fact, it's enough to make the disappointing A Good Day To Die Hard look like an action movie classic by comparison.

       Butler stars as Mike Banning, a crack Secret Service Agent/Former Special Forces soldier who has a special bond with the first family, from the President (Aaron Eckhart) to his young son Connor. But when an accident which takes place on his watch results in a tragic death, Banning blames himself (because he's seen In The Line of Fire and Cliffhanger and knows that's what you do in an action film), and goes into a deep depression, leaving the Secret Service. But Banning still happens to be near the White House when North Koreans attack and take over in one of the most wildly improbable scenes in recent cinematic memory (a scene which veers from simply ludicrous to shockingly tasteless with its pseudo-9/11 imagery), and manages to fight his way in to go John McClane on the bad guys who have taken the President hostage. Meanwhile, Morgan Freeman, playing the role of Glenn Close in Air Force One (this time Speaker of the House rather than Vice President), must assume temporary leadership of the nation and semi-negotiate with the North Korean terrorists.

      There's not a single moment in Olympus Has Fallen  which isn't directly stolen from either Die Hard, Ai Force One or In The Line of Fire. And while of course AirForce One was also a Die Hard rip-off, it managed to work on its silly level because it starred Harrison Ford at a time when he could carry a movie better than anyone. But Gerard Butler is no Harrison Ford. In this movie, he's not even Steven Segal. Butler snarls and smirks his way through a truly dreadful performance, spitting out an atrocious American accent as he makes it hard to remember how charming he was in films like the indie drama Dear Frankie, and how his expressiveness behind the mask made some of us forgive the failure of  his singing in The Phantom of the Opera. Here he's so unexpressive that he is unable to earn even a twinge of sympathy for the guilt he's feeling. In fact, I couldn't stop thinking about how much more emotion Sylvester Stallone drew out of the same situation in Cliffhanger. And Butler gets no help from his supporting cast, which also seems to be trying to make us forget how good they've been in other films. Eckhart is decidedly bland, and Morgan Freeman sleepwalks through a performance that would embarrass Al Pacino at his laziest.

        All of this might be mildly forgivable if director Antoine Fuqua (Training Day) were able to stage the action in a way that provided any thrills. But his shrill emulation of Michael Bay is just irritating, and the violence in the film is so needlessly brutal that it had me feeling repulsed within its first 30 minutes (and I recently sat through and enjoyed an all-day marathon of all 5 Die Hard movies).  I found no enjoyment to be had in this creatively bankrupt retread, and found its attempt at the end to stir the audience with patriotic emotion to be downright offensive considering the pointless bloodbath we'd just witnessed.

       Gerard Butler has shown genuine talent and charisma in his earlier career, but after a string of critical and commercial flops he needed a comeback, and I can't imagine this movie will be it. Instead, it puts him in desperate need of making a better film to have any chance of avoiding a slip to television or straight to DVD fare.

     Olympus Has Fallen is rated R for wall-to-wall profanity and brutal violence. If you feel like seeing a violent action movie, pop in any one of the Die Hard or Lethal Weapon films instead of this. Even the worst of those series, bad as they are, are better than this waste of time.



           

THE 10 WORST FILMS OF 2012

By Patrick Gibbs

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. While 2012 gave us Oscar season films like Lincoln, Argo and Zero Dark Thirty, and wildly entertaining blockbusters like The Avengers,all was not well in the world of cinema. Here, at long last, are my choices for the ten worst films of 2012m presented in alphabetical order.

ACT OF VALOR

In 2007, Mike McCoy and Scott Waugh of Bandito Brothers Productions made a video for the Special Warfare Combatant -Craft Crewman, in which the U.S. Navy to allow them to use actual active duty SEALs. After spending so much time working closely with the SEALs, McCoy and Waugh conceived the idea for a modern day action movie about this covert and elite fighting force. As Act of Valor developed with the SEALs on board as advisers, the filmmakers decided that no actors could realistically portray or physically fill the roles they had written and the actual SEALs were drafted to star in the film. It is my strong contention that if you ran a group of actors through SEAL training, they would fair far better in combat than these guys do in front of the camera. This isn't so much a movie as it is recruiting drive. It's not only a shoddy and inept piece of film making, it's at best morally dubious. There are those who will violently disagree with me on this point, but when so many people can get upset about the “insidious propaganda” of The Lorax, I stand behind being offended by this movie.

ANNA KARENINA

Keira Knightley, best known for playing the title role in Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, stars as Leo Tolstoy’s adulterous heroine, in director Joe Wright ridiculous take on the classic tale that plays like Darren Aronofsky ATE a Baz Luhrman film and then threw it up. This movie, which jumps back and forth from an opera house setting to what is arguably meant to be the real world, is an unmitigated disaster from beginning to end.

ALEX CROSS

Academy Award Winner Morgan Freeman is a tough act to follow, even for a talented actor, but attempting to reboot the Kiss The Girls franchise with Tyler Perry, star of the Madea films, is a little like going into war with Daffy Duck in place of George S. Patton, and in the hands of legendary bad director Rob Cohen (The Fast and the Furious, xXx, Stealth, Dragonheart), it's a complete train wreck that can't decide if it wants to be Silence of The Lambs, Lethal Weapon or an overly educated Shaft. In sharp contrast to the dull and lifeless performances from the rest of the cast, Matthew Fox throws himself into his role as a serial killer/sniper with such an over the top ferocity, apparently under the illusion that this is Oscar bait,  that I almost felt sorry for him, but ultimately, not as sorry as I felt for myself for having to sit through this catastrophe.

A THOUSAND WORDS

The only thing that stops this from being the worst film of Jim Carrey's career is that, technically, he's not in it. Instead, Eddie Murphy stars in the most labored take on the Liar, Liar formula yet as a man who's fate is tied to that of a tree – with every word he speaks, a leaf falls from the tree, and when the last leaf falls, he will die. Essentially, this amounts to just under two hours of Murphy playing charades in a feeble attempt to communicate (amazingly, the idea of grabbing a note pad and writing something down never occurs to him.). This is a crass, juvenile and painfully unfunny mess, and it's only saving grace is a surprisingly touching scene between Murphy and the great Cicely Tyson as his mother, who is suffering from Alzhiemer's. The scene deserves to be in a better film, as does Tyson, and at one time, Murphy himself. How the once undisputed biggest star in Hollywood fell this far is a testament to ego and self indulgence, and should serve as a cautionary tale to any aspiring actor.

BATTLESHIP

Everything you would expect from the words “In Association with Hasbro,” and then some. The people that brought us three Transformers films and proved that Channing Tatum was less expressive than an action figure in G.I. JOE sink to a new low in this jaw droppingly stupid tie in to the famous board game. Despite the presence of stellar, multi-faceted actors such as Brooklyn Decker and Rihanna, we never become engaged in any of the characters, and Liam Neeson owes his fans an apology for stooping so low. 

The only good thing about Battelship is that is was so obviously bad  that it might force Hollywood to start to try a little harder. But I doubt it - after all, Transformers 4 is already in the works.

THE BOURNE LEGACY

Admittedly, the Matt Damon Bourne series had little to do with Robert Ludlum's novels to begin with, but they were an intelligent and involving series of action thrillers that won a lot of fans and redefined the action film. The Bourne Legacy, which borrows it's title from an Eric Von Lustbader sequel to the Ludlum novels, has nothing to do with the novels and only enough to do with the films to ride on their coat tails and oddly enough, try to destroy destroy them. A talented cast is wasted in an incoherent and insipid storyline saved only by a couple of well staged action sequences. Director Tony Gilroy (who co-wrote the previous Bourne films) fared much better with Michael Clayton and Duplicity, and is not a bad director, but here he seems to be intent on getting revenge on Damon for public statements that Gilroy had turned in a slipshod, unusable first draft of The Bourne Ultimatum by completely invalidating the ending of that film and rendering the accomplishments of Jason Bourne null and void. As a follow up to the previous films, it would be charitable to compare The Bourne Legacy to U.S. Marshals, the half baked spinoff to The Fugitive.

GHOST RIDER:  SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE

Nicolas Cage returns in this sequel/reboot of the Ghost Rider franchise, which awkwardly disavows the continuity of the first film while sticking with the same lead actor. But if the idea here was to improve on the infamous Comic Book adaptation, who's bright idea was it to hire Neveldine and Taylor, writers of Jonah Hex, to both write and direct? Spirit of Vengeance is essentially The Omen meets Terminator 2, and unless you've always dreamed of seeing Cage urinate fire, this is one you probably want to avoid. Cage himself gives one of his worst film performances, as the filmmakers decide to add an element of The Hulk to the character, and he is constantly fighting himself for control. With his bad hair plugs, bugged out eyes and his newly stretched, plastic surgery revised face, the star suggests a Muppet that is perhaps a little too complex for it's puppeteer to operate.

IRON SKY

The basic idea here is that, after being defeated in 1945, The Nazi's fled to the Moon where they built a space fleet to return in 2018 and conquer Earth. The film makes no attempt to be taken seriously, and with surpsingly slick visual effects given it's low budget, this campy comedy adventure just might work if it featured a single laugh, or even a mild smirk. The acting is painfully bad and the dialogue worse, especially when it comes to the thinly veiled Sarah Palin based President of The United States. Palin is ripe to be parodied, but if you are going to be this blatant about it, you'd better be really funny, and actress Stephanie Paul is no Tina Fey. There are some fun, if ridiculous, ideas in this movie, and there was plenty of potential for a fun guilty pleasure, but sadly, that potential quickly drowns in a sea of bad choices.

LOCKOUT

DIE HARD meets ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK at Gitmo in space. Guy Pearce spouts grade school caliber one liners as he infiltrates a space station full of dangerous criminals in order to rescue the President's daughter. This homage to '80's action films is too hokey to be suspenseful but too violent and nasty to be fun space opera. The visual effects are more suited to a video game, and producer Luc Besson made a rather confusing choice by casting his favorite star of the moment, Maggie Grace, as the President's late 20 something daughter and love interest for Pearce, only to try and pass her off a few months later as a sixteen year old again in Taken 2 (which is made alll the more confusing by the fact that she was 18 in the original Taken.).

ONE FOR THE MONEY

Stephanie Plum (played by everyone's favorite diva, Katherine Heigl) is out of work and out of cash, and in desperation she turns to her disreputable cousin Vinnie, of Vinnie's Bail Bonds. Despite having no equipment, training or particular skill she becomes a bail enforcement agent, chasing after Vinnie's highest stakes bail jumper: Joe Morelli, a former vice cop who is wanted for murder, who also happened to seduce and dump Stephanie back in high school after taking her virginity.

Based on the novel by Janet Evanovich, adapted for the screen by three female writers, directed by a woman, and executive produced by Heigl, this still manages to be the most shockingly chauvenistic and even misoginistic major film in a long time. The joke here seems to be “What? A woman as a bounty hunter? But every knows women are supposed to be either naked or in the kitchen!” Heigl's stilted and self conscious performance, complete with a thoroughly unconvincing accent, is almost completely devoid of charm, and the only saving grace here is that it's only 90 minutes long.

As the New Year begins, we hope for the best, but with a January that has already given us Gangster Squad, Texas Chainsaw 3D and a new Wayans Brothers comedy, we are not off to an auspicious start. Our hopes and prayers rest on the likes of Martin Scorsese, J.J. Abrams and Superman himself to get us back on track.