ROCK OF AGES

Reviewed by Patrick Gibbs 

GRADE: B -
Julianne Hough, Diego Bonetta, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Paul Giamatti and Tom Cruise
Written by Justin theroux and Allan Loeb
Based on the Musical by Chris Di'Arienzio
Directed By Adam Shenkman



In 1987, Sherrie Christian (Julianne Hough) travels on a bus from her small town in Oklahoma to L.A., intent of pursuing her dream of becoming a famous singer, and we are treated to the first in a series of roughly 1800 musical numbers made up of mainstream '80's rock hits (in this case, “Sister Christian” mixed with “Almost Paradise.”) The rest of the passengers on the bus join in, and it makes for a silly but cute opening sequence.

Upon reaching LA LA land, the bus passes by a popular nightclub called "The Bourbon Room." Quickly after getting off the bus, our heroine is mugged, losing her most prized possession – a suitcase containing her favorite records. Enter our hero: Drew Boley (Diego Bonetta), who works at the Bourbon Room as a bounce boy. He tries to catch the robber, but fails. Since he can't get her the records, and he's a nice guy motivated by a the kindness of his heart and the tightness of her shorts, he he gets her a job at the Bourbon Room as a waitress.

The club's owner, Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin in a less than convincing wig), and his right-hand man, Lonny Barnett (Russell Brand, in what could either be an even sillier wig or just his real hair), are finagling a deal that could save the club, which they are in danger of losing due to massive unpaid back taxes. Stacee Jaxx, the eccentric and notoriously difficult front-man for Arsenal, has recently announced that he is splitting from his band to embark on a solo career, but a final performance with the band at The Bourbon Room could be just the ticket to save the beloved old club.

Enter the villain: Patricia Whitman (Catherine Zeta-Jones), the religious conservative wife of the Mayor. Patricia organizes her church to protest in front of the Bourbon Room, planning to shut them down. Meanwhile, Drew and Sherrie get to know each other, and a romance begins to blossom. But everything is suddenly amped up all the way to eleven upon the actual arrival of Stacee Jaxx (played by Tom Cruise), the man, the myth, and the money (a pet which he calls “Hey Man.”)

Obviously, this is not a story driven movie. Rock of Ages is short on plot, even for a musical – it plays like a cross between Bye, Bye Byrdie and The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, including the raunchy elements of the latter. For a PG-13, this pushes the envelope about as far as it can go with sensuality and what can barely be called innuendo because it's much more direct. There's no actual nudity, but between strip clubs, slutty outfits, and Paul Giammati's scalp, there's enough skin on display to keep half the audience smiling and the other half squirming from start to finish, and if there were any more gyrating or boob grabbing on display, this movie could run for Senate.

The film's biggest strengths lie in the music, most of which is recognizable even if you're not a walking encyclopedia of '80's tunes, and the boundless energy of the cast. Diego Bonnetta, as Drew, has a fiery presence and a killer voice that he probably won't get a chance a chance to show off in many films, so it's fortunate that he gets more than enough chances in this one, and he makes quite an impression with an earnest and engaging performance . Julianne Hough, as Sherrie, is equally energized, but her voice, which is better suited to country than rock, can get a bit shrill at times. Still, the attractive and perky young pair provides plenty of entertainment provides plenty of entertaining eye candy (and he's not bad either.)

But the performance everyone is wondering about is Tom Cruise. Does he rock you like a hurricane, or stage dive flat on his face? On the heels of the surprise mega hit Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, Cruise is poised for a possible comeback, and there's a lot riding on this film for the controversial star. Fortunately for him, he gives a breathtaking performance that should surprise and impress fans and detractors alike – no one has dominated the screen in a supporting role this decisively since Heath Ledger's Joker, and honestly, there's an excellent chance of an Oscar nod for his portrayal of a past his prime, slightly crazy and egocentric star with a penchant for younger women (I know, it's a real stretch.) Say what you want about Cruise, but no other actor in Hollywood can match his level of dive in head first, I'll do anything for the part commitment, whether it's scaling the tallest building in the world, or practicing for five hours a day to get his voice ready to belt out a very memorable rendition of Bon Jovi's Wanted: Dead Or Alive. If this movie is even a moderate hit it should cement the return of Cruise to the good graces of Hollywood and the movie going public.
Zeta-Jones belts out a great rendition of Hit Me With Your Best Shot, but is otherwise underused, but not as shamefully as the amazing talented Bryan Cranston as her husband. The star of such television hits as Malcolm in the Middle and Breaking Bad has yet to be given a big screen role to compare with his television work, and this is certainly not it.

Fortunately, fairing far better are Baldwin and Brand, who make a delightful comic duo. Rounding out the cast are Giamatti, given his usual stellar work as Stacee's unscrupulous manager, and Malin Ackerman, the live sized wax figure from Watchmen. Her acting style does tend to play better in light comedy, and her singing is stronger than he acting, but she still has to fall back her old standby to make an impression, and in doing so provides the film's once major stylistic anachronism when she strips down to a bra and panties that are less than authentic to the period.

Again, the musical numbers are where the movie really shines, and it's important to remember that the Broadway version hit upon the idea of Journey's Don't Stop Believing as a sure fire showstopper long before Glee was even in it's brief early period as a good show, so you can't blame the film if the song seems more than bit overdone at this point. Rock of Ages is likely to sell more soundtrack albums than tickets in the long run, but while the film is flimsy and overlong, it's quite amusing and watchable 90 percent of the time. Just don't make the mistake of thinking that being a light musical makes it family fair.
This is not for everyone's tastes, and certainly won't make my best of the year list, but it is campy fun that with leave you singing a happy song.

Rock of Ages is rated PG-13 for sexuality and vulgarity throughout, profanity, drug use, smoking, and very mild violence.